A. The things I sacrifice for that man are greater than they should be. That is nobody's fault but my own, however. I gave up who what I am for him for reasons beyond myself. He won't get the satisfaction of being responsible for a change in who I am, since that was gone since an early age.

I met with the Magister in Silvermoon. He, too, seems an expert at changing himself to suit his company. When he thought himself alone he looked vulnerable and I think he may have been crying, but when we spoke he was downright charming-- of course, only because that was how he wished to present himself. I find kinship in him for that and that alone. After all, how can I relate to someone I truly know nothing else about?

I hardly know which parts of myself I can relate to others.

A continues to express open hostility toward me. I still don't know why he keeps me alive. Looking back on it, perhaps I was looking forward to the execution. Even justice isn't enough to live for anymore, especially with how corrupt it is these days.

Whether I get killed or die of age, which is bound to happen within the next 50 years or so, perhaps I should find something to live for again before that time. Just to make the remaining years seem a little less redundant and pass the time.

What irony it would be if I feared death by the end!

I spent a good deal of time down in the Sanctum yesterday, ignoring the looks from the warlocks down there. I had to focus on feeding on the demonic energy down there-- which, admittedly, is hard when you've gone over 200 years trying to avoid doing such things.

I could only take in a little bit before starting to feel ill. The eyes are always the first thing to change, and they are noticably greener. Every few moments they'll flash blue again, but I assume in time that will stop. The very roots of my hair seem to be showing signs of darkening, too. I wonder how quick the transition from Quel'Dorei to Sin'Dorei takes? Physically, anyway. Personal beliefs and values are even harder to change.

I suppose sacrifices will have to be made, though, especially with what's in store. Things have become so complicated since returning to Silvermoon.

A has lifted the death sentence... I'm not sure how long that will last. I need to be especially careful around him now. I know he'll try to provoke me even more than before. I can ignore him. Now that I know exactly what my boundaries are, I know not to cross them.

M interests me. She no doubt has something spectacular planned for me, or she wouldn't have gone through so much trouble to save my life. In a way, her methods are almost inspiring.

Lordaeron is an increasingly unpleasant place. It's a refuge for now, however, so I shouldn't complain. Lady Windrunner has changed a lot in undeath, but that's to be expected. I wasn't expecting to see a demon with her. It seems there could be more to this bond between the Sin'Dorei and Forsaken than there appears to be.

[Added later, as an afterthought] As I wandered the bowels of the Undercity, the most hauntingly familiar melody echoed off the walls. Was it Lady Windrunner herself singing? It was in Thalassian. Something I hadn't heard since I was young.

For the first time in a long time, a great sadness overwhelmed me, and I hid in the shadows and cried. It felt great.

After going so long masking one's true emotions with detached amusement, it's easy to forget what it really is to feel for something. At least within these pages I can be honest about my emotions. That contradicts the reason I started hiding them in the first place, though: it's far too dangerous.

If I'm due to be executed anyway, so be it. I'll be as emotional and honest as I possibly can.

I can only remember a few times where I let emotion take hold of me, and the only time I could actually cry was at my mother's funeral. Then again, I was still young. She wasn't. But the others-- the fall of Silvermoon, his becoming Wretched-- really only affected me for a few hours at most. I've become so practiced in detachment that I can quickly get over events that a regular person would grieve over for weeks.

Even now as I lay here, my body aching, all I feel is regret. Not so much anger or sadness, but frustration. If that counts as an emotion, it's the one I feel most.

A left without bothering to lock me in a cell or anything. He's an awful guard. I could just run away to Kalimdor and live amongst the Horde. I know he'd never look there.

However... I broke the law, fully intending to do so. I'd be a hypocrite if justice wasn't dealt.

At least I won't live to become anything like him.

One of these days I might just lose my mind as well as my temper. I'd hate to see what happens then.

I was turned down at Quel'Danil because they claimed they could already sense me changing. If I had been there, could I have had more luck stopping A from slaughtering them? [Frustrated scribbles] Taunting somebody as you tear up their kin is not the way to convince them to join your side.

I may not be Quel'Dorei anymore. But I will never be Sin'Dorei.

I can feel the demon magic coursing through my veins. It gets worse every time I let my guard down in the city. It's nauseating. I need to find a Cathedral. If I take in enough holy energy, can I cancel it out? Or will I only crave more?

A plans to kill me one day. I will utterly humiliate him before that day comes.

Fantastic.

The bruises on my stomach are fading. It still hurts to bend over, but all in all, I think it was worth it. If only I could go back to that moment of shock and disgust on his face. Of course, only after the event do I realize that I seem to value spite more than my own life. If he does choose to attack me, I won't hesitate to defend myself.

I saw him outside Silvermoon yesterday-- not the aforementioned 'him,' of course. Fortunately he never punched me when I tried the same sort of thing on him. But I could barely recognize him. He was so thin, with sunken-in eyes and coarse tangle hair like a wild horse's tail. It's disgusting, what addiction can do to a person.

He was also dead.

He was left on display at the fountain in Falconwing Square, 'wings' spread. It was almost like a morbid memorial to the man he used to be. Perhaps it's best this way.

I hope they have enough sense to burn the body before the plague reaches it.

Some Forsaken priest surprisingly agreed to fix my nose up a bit. A brief glance in the mirror was all I needed to know that it still looks pretty bad, but the pain and bleeding have both stopped. That's the important part.

Still quite infuriated about last night. The magister who took custody of the pirate (technically A's the one who disobeyed orders there, not me) said that one can't be blamed for the effects of some magical curse placed upon them. He said something along the lines of where would the city itself be if we did that?

I wanted so much to answer that it would be the way it used to be. We controlled our cravings to magic for a reason. And now that the Sin'dorei feed on it freely, any ill behaviour on their part is to be excused due to the magic itself?

I don't think there's any hope for Silvermoon now. I may very well leave the city. As of yet I'm unsure as to where I'll go... Back to the borders of the Ghostlands, keeping tresspassers and Scourge out? Yet with the Horde running rampant through our lands it's pretty much a futile effort.

The Quel'Danil Lodge was far south enough to be spared the fate of Quel'Thalas, I think. I should check there, and see if I can't visit Aerie Peak while I'm at it. It's been a while since I've tasted a good Wildhammer brew.

[On a page stained with a few drops of blood]

No matter how much I want to vent and write down my exact feelings, I know that's too much of a risk.

In a way I'm glad for it. The closer I am to A, the closer I am to being like him, the more fearful I am. Last night was just what I needed to drive me away from being so corrupt.

I think I'll look into this M girl. Although I suppose my first priority really should be to get my nose to stop bleeding.

I am utterly disgusted with myself.

I found A staring blankly at nothing in the city. He was acting strangely through the entire evening. He kept going on about how C is hardly fit to be a leader or even go to the "Promised Land," how we've changed to a survival-of-the-fittest attitude, how the old ways will only lead to my downfall... How if I'm going to keep ahead of the unruly criminals, I need to allow room for change.

Something about the way he said it was so alluring that I let my guard down. I let myself take in the sickening magic in the air around me. Shortly after I stopped myself, but I worry. Even now I feel myself craving just a little bit more. How long can I put it off? In the end, if I have to choose between Sin'dorei and Wretched, I'm going to regret my decision either way.

I noticed a faint flash of green in my eyes as I looked in the mirror. I hope it was only my imagination.

My meeting with one of the House Sunfury members didn't go as well as I was hoping. While some of that is due to my own poor timing, a large portion of the failure is due to some Forsaken "independent" running around holding people up for their money and screaming pro-Scourge propaganda.

The elf, K, defended the creature for reasons beyond myself. He came to his senses after watching him stab A, but he still managed to elude me and the guards. My success rate dealing with petty criminals like that has dropped since joining up with the guard. I think I'll leave it. I'm just as useless as any one of them like this. Working as a team can be so inefficient.

Besides, I know I can't keep up this act I have going with A. Even the most talented actors slip up and break character. I know he expects me to pledge complete loyalty to Kael'thas and take in demonic energy sooner or later. As it is, I outright refuse. I plan on keeping it that way. I saw a child whose eyes grew as bright a green as anyone else's here.

The reddened skin, I believe, is a mutation rather than the "evolution" A insists it to be. Those children have their entire lives ahead of them to mutate even further. I fear for what hideous beings they will grow to become.